


Putting the Pieces Back Together

by vix_spes



Series: Even Broken Things Deserve To Be Loved [1]
Category: Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Jagten | The Hunt (2012), Shooting Dogs (2005)
Genre: #EatTheRare Fest, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Hannibal Extended Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 08:10:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12250437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: A year ago, Lucas built a new life for himself away from Denmark. The start of the new school year brings him something that he hadn't realised he wanted.





	Putting the Pieces Back Together

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to Fluegelschatten for the brilliant beta and all the love to slashyrogue for talking me through my crisis of confidence and giving me the boost to finish this.

* * *

Lucas had seen him before. The beautiful young Englishman with the chocolate coloured curls and the sad eyes. Joe, Lucas thought his name was, and he was one of the newest additions to the teaching staff. Not that Lucas had been here much longer.

Here was the British International School in Switzerland where Lucas was in the second year of his contract. He hadn’t wanted to leave Denmark but it hadn’t taken long to work out that, despite the charges against him being dropped, things were never quite going to be the same again.

He and Nadja had attempted to renew their relationship and, for a while, it had worked. However, there had always been that little voice in his head, reminding him that when the allegations had been made against him, she had been among the first to doubt him. Even if there had been part of her that didn’t think he had done it, there had been that shadow of doubt.

It had hit him, truly hit him, when they had met at Brunn’s for Marcus’ first shoot. All of these people who had greeted him as an old friend, who had been old friends, were the ones who had believed the allegations made against him, had believed that he was capable of such things. That had brought it home that all of this was superficial, that it was just an act. As a parent himself, he may be able to forgive what they had done, but he was never going to be able to forget it.

The shot in the woods was the final straw.

Even to this day, he had no idea who it had been who had pulled the trigger. It may have been an accident, whoever pulled the trigger mistaking him for a deer, but the element of doubt would always remain. No, the best thing that Lucas could do was move away and start a new life somewhere.

Alone.

He could have moved somewhere else in Denmark but, in all honesty, he felt like it would all be tainted by what had happened and he couldn’t live off his savings forever; he needed to work. In all honesty, despite everything that had happened, he still wanted to teach.

It had been Brunn who had suggested the idea of an international school and Marcus had been enthusiastic about it as well, so Lucas had done some investigating. The more that he read, the more the idea appealed. There were plenty of schools in Europe so he would be relatively close to Marcus and, besides, now that Marcus was eighteen, he could visit Lucas even if his mother disapproved. He knew that it wouldn’t necessarily be easy to get a job given what had happened but, he would never know unless he gave it a go.

Decision made, Lucas had started the seemingly never-ending stream of application processes. He started with the schools in France, Germany and Switzerland, reasoning that, although he was incredibly rusty, he had at least learnt the languages when he’d been at school. If he was unsuccessful with all of them, then he’d go further afield. He’d been in luck though and, despite needing a reference from his previous employers and knowing everything that had happened, one of the international schools that he’d applied to in Switzerland had offered him a position teaching the foundation stage.

It wasn’t Denmark but the school was set in a twelve-acre site at the foot of the Alps overlooking Lake Geneva so it was far from being terrible. The staff had been perfectly welcoming and, sensing that he didn’t want to talk about his past too much, hadn’t pressed why he had left Denmark. Relieved no end, Lucas had thrown himself into work and trying to build himself a new life. For the most part, he had succeeded. The other teachers were perfectly friendly and sociable people of all nationalities and they would often organise meals or drinks at a bar on a weekend.

Even so, Lucas couldn’t help but feel lonely. It had been a long time since his relationship with Nadja and Lucas missed the closeness of a partner or even a close friend, like Theo before everything had gone so wrong. Maybe, just maybe, this new teacher was an opportunity for a new friend. For what Lucas had been craving. Mind made up, Lucas crossed the road with a determined stride, heading for the Englishman who looked somewhat lost.

“Hej.” Lucas tapped the other man on the shoulder. “You’re a teacher at the international school by the lake, yes?”

“Oh!” The man seemed somewhat flustered. “I am, yes. I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Ah, no. I’m Lucas. I teach foundation stage but I’ve seen you around the campus. You must teach the older students.”

“Nice to meet you, Lucas. I’m Joe. And yes, I teach middle school English.”

The two fell into a somewhat awkward silence before Lucas spoke again. “I hope you don’t mind me interrupting you. You looked a little … lost.”

“No! Not at all, I’m being rude. Sorry. It’s all just a little overwhelming. You know, new school, new country, all of that.”

Lucas laughed. “I can understand that. Maybe … there’s a little bakery down the street. Good coffee, better pastries. Would you like to join me?”

“If I’m not intruding…”

“Of course not. Please.”

“In that case, lead the way, Lucas.”

The two walked in silence to the bakery that Lucas had suggested before ordering and taking a seat outside where they had a slight view of the lake. Lucas took a sip of his coffee, humming happily at the taste, before he spoke.

“So, Joe, is this your first time teaching in an international school?”

“Yes. I’ve been teaching at a private school in England for five years but, I needed a fresh start.”

“Five years is a long time. What about before that?” Lucas regretted his words as Joe’s face shut down.

“I’d rather not talk about that.”

“Okay,” Lucas hurried to change the subject. “This is my first time, too. Teaching in an international school, I mean.”

“Where did you teach before? Your home country? Your accent doesn’t sound Swiss…”

“No, I’m Danish. I taught in the local kindergarten for years after teaching chemistry at the public school but … I also needed a fresh start.”

Lucas saw the sympathetic look on Joe’s face and gave a faint smile in response before changing the subject. “How are you finding the school?”

~*~

The ensuing conversation had been somewhat stilted and awkward but Lucas found it worthwhile when, the following week at school, he had received a smile and a greeting from Joe as they passed each other on the campus. By the time of the first exeat, they had graduated to brief conversations if neither of them was busy and, by the mid-term break in October, they were managing to sit and chat a couple of times a week in the staff room and Lucas would genuinely consider himself and Joe to be friends. They had even met for beers a few times on a weekend, usually initiated by Lucas but Joe was starting to take the initiative and start extending invitations himself. What Lucas did find intriguing was the way that Joe held himself back, almost as though he was wary of getting too close to people, whether they be fellow teachers or students. Lucas seemed to be the exception but, even with him, he felt as though Joe was holding something back.

He tried not to let it bother him too much. Tried to focus on other things. Like how, even though Joe was clearly not trying to become too emotionally involved, his passion and his love for teaching shone through regardless. How Joe’s students clearly adored him (Lucas was fairly certain that there were more than a few crushes amongst the older students alongside the childish adoration and hero-worship of the younger students).

And then there were the other things. The way that Joe talked with his hands when he was impassioned about the subject matter, his laugh – which Lucas had only heard a couple of times but was infectious nonetheless, the flashes of happiness that Lucas desperately wanted to see more of. That he wanted to be responsible for. Lucas was smitten and he knew it. There was no denying it and, quite frankly, he didn’t see the point. It had been a very long time since he had felt this way about someone; while he had cared for Nadja and loved her in some way, he had never felt like this. He had never felt a burning need to know everything about her as he did with Joe; how he tasted, what made him blush, what it would be like to kiss him, how he would feel in Lucas’ arms. A myriad of questions that Lucas wanted answers to, some of them fairly innocuous, others less so.

Yet Lucas couldn’t bring himself to take the risk and tell Joe how he felt, lest he scare Joe off for good. The younger teacher reminded him of a rather skittish and traumatised puppy in some respects; Lucas had coaxed him into friendship with kindness and patience but there was no telling what might cause Joe to turn and run. It was also part self-preservation. A large part of Lucas couldn’t help but dwell on a scenario where, if he and Joe embarked upon a more romantic relationship and Lucas became even more attached only for Joe to find out Lucas’ history and want to end things between them. What had happened in Denmark had all but broken him and Lucas couldn’t bear it to happen a second time. No, better to not take the risk. Besides, there was no guarantee that Joe was interested in Lucas or even in men.

There were times when it seemed that Joe was interested in both. When Joe blushed as he realised Lucas’ proximity, the way that he sometimes seemed to shiver at Lucas’ touch and how his gaze seemed to fixate on Lucas’ lips. It all seemed to point towards sexual attraction and Brunn had confirmed it when Lucas had mentioned it in one of their bi-monthly phone calls. Of course, he had also teased Lucas mercilessly for falling for someone a good decade his junior before sobering up and saying that not only should Lucas go for it but that he was certain that Marcus wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Yet still Lucas had hesitated.

~*~

Halfway through the mid-term break, Lucas returned to Montreux in a buoyant mood. He had met Marcus and Brunn in Copenhagen for a few days. It had been strange being back - it was only the second time since he had left Denmark - and he had been surprised by how on edge he had found himself. The tension had eased once they were out in the country at the lodge that Brunn had rented and Lucas had thoroughly enjoyed being able to hunt again and spend time with Marcus and Brunn. However, it had driven home the fact that Denmark no longer truly felt like home; Switzerland did.

In part, Lucas knew that was due to Joe and the friendship they shared but also the burgeoning romance. He'd had a couple of texts that he had responded to and had been a little taken aback by how much he had missed the other teacher. At Brunn’s prompting, Lucas had tentatively broached the subject of Joe with Marcus, testing the waters to gauge how the teenager would feel if Lucas were to embark upon a relationship with another man. It had been mostly positive. Marcus had admitted that he didn't truly know how he would feel until it happened but he wanted his dad to be happy and if that was with a man then that was fine by him. It had given Lucas the needed confidence boost to go for it with Joe.

He had been back in Montreux for a day or so when he got a message from Joe asking if he was interested in joining him for a hike up and around Rochers-de-Naye. Even though Lucas had just spent several days hiking and hunting, he agreed with alacrity, not wanting to turn down the opportunity to spend time with Joe doing one of his favourite pastimes.

To his relief, despite not seeing each other for the better part of a week, there was no awkwardness between them. Lucas chatted about his time in Denmark and about Marcus while Joe admitted that he had spent most of his time doing planning for school but that he had gone out for lunch with other members of the English department. As they walked, Lucas kept stealing glances at Joe and was more than a little gratified when he caught Joe looking back at him more than once. It was as though he were a teenager again, stealing glances and blushing whenever their hands touched.

When they reached the summit, both of them a little winded, Joe laughed in delight, spinning around in a circle to take in the stunning views. The views were, indeed, incredible but Lucas spared them no more than a brief glance; in his opinion, Joe was a far more beautiful sight. His cheeks were flushed from both the exercise and the wind and his eyes were shining brightly. He was irresistible. Joe turned to look at Lucas over his shoulder, one hand brushing his hair from his eyes and Lucas decided to stop resisting temptation.

Without saying anything, Lucas stepped forward, seeing curiosity appear in Joe's eyes. As soon as he was within touching distance, Lucas reached out, cupping Joe's face with his hands. He tilted Joe's face up and pressed a chaste, almost questioning kiss to Joe's lips. He pulled back after a few seconds, staring at Joe and trying to gauge his reaction.

“Oh!”

“Is that a good oh or a bad oh?” Lucas aimed for a joking tone but wasn't entirely sure that he was successful. Internally, his stomach was roiling with fear that he might have ruined his friendship with Joe.

Joe didn't respond. Instead, he trailed his fingers over Lucas’ features before stretching onto his toes and pressing a tentative kiss to Lucas’ lips. Lucas forced himself to stay still, not wanting to push too much. His patience was rewarded when, after pulling back and searching Lucas’ face for something that he found, Joe moved back in for another kiss. This time, Lucas didn't remain passive. He banded an arm around Joe's waist, pulling him into the curve of his body and cupping Joe's face so that he could slant their lips together.

Kissing Joe was even better than Lucas had imagined it and he tried to prolong it, deepening it and slowing it down. Joe was so responsive in his arms, pressing even closer to Lucas and twining arms around Lucas’ neck to bury them in his hair. Lucas nipped at a plush lower lip before laving it with his tongue and suckling at it. He moaned low in his throat as he felt Joe’s tongue swipe against his lips and parted them, swallowing the noises that Joe made as their tongues duelled together. They parted only when breathing became a necessity, exchanging shorter kisses that were no less passionate.

Eventually, Joe placed his hands on Lucas’ chest, lips red and swollen and breathing heavily as he rested their foreheads together

“What do you want from me, Lucas? From this? Is this just an experiment for you? I know you've been married and you've had a girlfriend before. Or do you want something more?”

“There were a few men before my marriage but none since and you wouldn't be an experiment. I want a relationship with you, Joe.”

“As much as I would love to say yes, part of me thinks I'm too broken to have a relationship with someone.”

“Do broken things not deserve to be loved?” Lucas brushed his fingers over Joe's cheek. “I also consider myself a bit broken. Maybe together we could put the pieces back together?”

Lucas held his breath, wondering if he'd said too much but relaxed as a small, sweet smile curved Joe's lips and he nodded his head.

Joe pressed a sweet kiss to Lucas’ mouth before pulling back. “I like the sound of that.”

Lucas smiled as he pressed their lips together, delighted by the day’s turn of events. He made a questioning noise as Joe pulled back abruptly.

“Can we … you know, take things slowly?”

Lucas smiled, reeling Joe in for a hug and pressing a kiss to his temple. “As slow as you like, skat.”

~*~

The weeks after the hike and their first kiss were spent in that state of heady bliss that often accompanied a new relationship. They tried not to be too overt at work, not wanting to draw attention to their burgeoning relationship but instead trying to keep things as normal as possible. Even so, they weren't always able to resist; secret smiles here, a brush of hands there. Joe even dared to steal a kiss from Lucas one day in his classroom, a soft shy smile on his face that Lucas delighted in. By tacit agreement, they didn’t see each other during the week, both of them focusing on their school work although there were plenty of phone calls and text messages between them. Marcus had even joked that Lucas’ texting ability had improved. By contrast, they would spent their entire weekends together. They tried to alternate between both places but tended to end up at Lucas’ as Joe claimed it was more homely. They'd often spend one day exploring the local area - they'd been to the chateau, nearby Vevey, toured the palace gardens and spent hours walking along the lake promenade - while the second day was reserved for school work. They'd go for a leisurely breakfast before ensconcing themselves on the couch to do any remaining marking or planning. It was all incredibly domestic and Lucas found himself relishing it.

There was just one thing that Lucas wasn't quite so happy with and that was Joe’s reluctance that they spend the night together. It wasn't as though he was jumping out of bed as soon as they'd had sex - they hadn't quite got there yet although frottage and oral sex were on the menu - but Joe was categorically refused for them to spend the night together and Lucas couldn't understand it. It wasn't that Lucas was desperate for them to have sex - although he wouldn't object - but he was a big fan of cuddling and he genuinely wanted them to sleep in the same bed with Joe wrapped in his arms. He had tried asking Joe why but all he would say was that it had nothing to do with the way he felt about Lucas, merely personal issues. Lucas tried to understand but he couldn't help but feel a little frustrated.

In the end, the Montreux weather played in Lucas’ favour. It was a Friday night and they had been out for dinner only to get caught in a downpour on their way back to Lucas’. They had run for the flat, both of them getting completely and utterly soaked in process. Fumbling with his phone, Lucas pulled up the weather app, showing the screen to Joe.

“According to the weather forecast, it's going to be like this for the rest of the weekend and the next taxi isn't available for the next hour and a half. Joe, why don't you just stay here for the night?”

“Oh, well it isn't so very far to my flat. I mean, I can run for it; I'm already soaked through.”

“Is the idea of staying with me truly so horrible?” The idea that Joe would rather go back out into the storm than spend the night with Lucas hurt. A lot. For the first time since their kiss, Lucas wondered if he'd made a huge mistake in pursuing a relationship with Joe.

Joe looked as though he'd been hit around the face. “What? No, of course not! I'm just … I'm not the best bed partner okay? I don't sleep well and I don't want to disturb you.”

It didn't seem like the whole truth to Lucas but it was something that he was prepared to accept. “Okay, then you take my bed and I shall make up the couch.”

“I'm not turning you out of your own bed, Lucas.”

“Then I shall make up the couch and get you some dry clothes and we shall not discuss this any further.”

Joe seemed to deflate at Lucas’ no nonsense tone and, not for the first time, Lucas couldn't help but compare Joe to a puppy; he certainly looked like one, more than a little woebegone, wet and bedraggled as he was. Needing to convey that he wasn't angry, he dropped what he hoped was a reassuring kiss to Joe’s lips and went to collect towels, some clothes for Joe and blankets and pillows to make up the couch. When he returned, the atmosphere was strained as he made up the couch into something resembling a makeshift bed while Joe dried off and changed into a spare pair of Lucas’ pyjamas in silence. Despite the fact that Joe returned his goodnight kiss, it was a somewhat disheartened Lucas who retired to his bedroom alone with the thought that the very possessive part of him liked the way that Joe looked in his clothes a lot.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when something woke him up. Lying still, Lucas strained his ears waiting to see if he would hear whatever had woken him a second time. He barely had to wait a minute before he heard it again; a series of muted, choked off whimpers that were very familiar from when Marcus had been a young boy. All of a sudden, things started to fall into place and Joe’s behaviour finally made sense. Joe suffered from night terrors and, given the extreme reluctance he had shown in staying with Lucas, they were both serious and chronic. His earlier hurt faded away, being replaced with concern and sympathy for his partner.

Fumbling with the light switch, Lucas made his way out into the main room where he had left Joe. Joe had made himself a bed up on the couch but half of them were on the floor and the other half were tangled around Joe as he tossed and turned, crying out from time to time. Resisting the urge to turn on the main light, Lucas crossed the room and perched himself by Joe’s hip, tentatively reaching out to touch him on the shoulder. Joe's skin was covered in a faint sheen of sweat, his borrowed t-shirt soaked through as he thrashed his head from side to side, indecipherable words spilling from his lips. It didn’t work, Joe too lost in whatever nightmarish reality that his mind had conjured up to register the touch. Reaching out, Lucas grasped Joe by the shoulders and gave him a firm shake.

This time, it worked. Joe’s eyes flew up as he shot upright with a gasp, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath and his gaze darting around the room. Lucas didn’t even hesitate, gathering Joe into his arms as he dropped a series of kisses to Joe’s temple, carding a hand through sweaty curls and muttering reassurances and endearments in Danish. It was a process that was well-honed from when Marcus was a child, from before the divorce when they all lived together. He could feel Joe’s harsh panting against his throat and how the tenseness slowly dissipated from Joe’s body until he was slumped against Lucas, hands fisted tightly into the back of Lucas’ t-shirt.

Lucas was content to wait until Joe was ready, continuing to mutter a steady stream of words. It didn’t matter that Joe wouldn’t understand what he was saying; the tone was what was important. As he continued his actions, Lucas couldn’t help but wonder what Joe had been through that caused him to have night terrors like this. How often did Joe have them? Were they always this bad? How long had he been suffering with them? His heart ached at the thought of Joe struggling with these alone. Lucas was drawn out of his thoughts as he felt Joe shift, turning his head so that he was audible.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Ah, skat. You have nothing to apologise for. Helvede, I would much rather know so that I can help in any way that you can. This is not something that you can control.”

“It's pathetic.” Joe loosened his grip on Lucas’ shirt so that he could swipe angrily at the tear tracks running down his cheeks. “I'm a grown man; I shouldn't need comfort after a nightmare like a child.”

“Night terrors do not care how old you are and we have all suffered them at some point, even myself in the not so distant past.” Lucas brushed his thumb tenderly over Joe's cheek. “Now, min kaere, I think that you are in need of a warm bath and then we shall see about more sleep, hmm?”

Joe made no objections, trailing docilely after Lucas into the bathroom and trusting Lucas to look after him. That was precisely what Lucas did. He didn't try to draw the bath out, simply filling the tub a little way, coaxing Joe out of his sweat soaked clothes and into the warm water before gently wiping the sweat from his skin. When Joe went limp, Lucas shouldered most of his weight and pulled him from the bath, drying him off before dressing him once more in one of Lucas’ t-shirts and a pair of boxers.

Not bothering to change himself, simply pulling off his slightly damp t-shirt, Lucas ushered Joe into the bedroom and Lucas’ bed. The sheets were still just about warm from Lucas’ body heat and he tucked Joe in, unable to resist smiling as he seemed to snuggle in with a happy sigh. With Joe settled, Lucas turned to clean up the bathroom and make up the couch a second time only to hear Joe's voice, the smallest he'd ever heard it.

“Lucas. I can't talk about it but … will you stay?”

“Of course I will, skat. Whatever you want.”

Between the warm bath and the mental exhaustion from the night terror, Joe was quiet and pliant, almost unnervingly so. It was a marked contrast to earlier in the evening. Indeed, when Lucas pulled him closer, Joe came willingly, nestling close and burying his face in Lucas’ neck. One hand tucked under his chin while the other came up and buried itself in Lucas’ chest hair. Lucas wrapped one arm around Joe’s shoulders so that his fingers could thread through the curls at the nape of Joe’s neck while the other was thrown out to the other side of the mattress. Neither of them said anything but Lucas hummed softly under his breath and was relieved to hear Joe’s breathing even out so that it matched Lucas’ normal tempo. Finally, feeling the fingers buried in his chest hair loosen, Lucas craned his neck to see that Joe had fallen asleep. Tilting his head, Lucas could see that Joe was finally asleep and with a peaceful look on his face that made Lucas’ heart swell. Unable to resist and hoping that he didn't wake Joe, Lucas pressed one final kiss to Joe's temple.

“Ah Joe, min kære. Jeg elsker dig.”

~*~

The closer that they got to the end of term and the impending winter holidays, the more Lucas became aware that Joe was itching to ask why Lucas hadn't mentioned going back to Denmark so that he could spend the festive season with Marcus. Lucas also knew that Joe wouldn't ask for fear that Lucas would feel forced to discuss something that he didn't want to talk about. It precisely the same reason why Lucas hadn't pressed Joe as to the cause of his night terrors. They were too similar, he thought somewhat ruefully. One of them was going to have to unburden themselves first and Lucas knew that it needed to be him to set the ball rolling. Still, he took small comfort in the fact that Joe wasn't hiding the fact that he suffered from night terrors any more. Indeed, they seemed to have diminished in frequency since Joe and Lucas had started sharing a bed. They hadn't done much more sexually but, regardless, Lucas found himself content with the cuddling and kissing, with going to sleep and waking up in each other's arms, with the fact that they were undeniably a couple in a relationship.

Even so, they were both keeping secrets and if things were going to progress further then they both needed to be honest with each other.

Lucas took the opportunity to broach the subject with Joe one Friday just before the end of term. They had been out for dinner at a little restaurant in Montreux that they liked and had returned to Lucas’ for the weekend. Lucas had poured them both glasses of wine while Joe had put some music on, before they had ended up on the sofa in their usual position with Joe half-sprawled over Lucas. They had sat in comfortable silence for a while before Lucas had plucked up the courage and broke the silence.

"We've been dancing around this subject for weeks. I know you're curious as to why I'm not spending Christmas in Denmark with Marcus."

Lucas felt Joe stiffen but, when he looked down, Joe refused to meet his eyes.

"I didn't want to pry. You didn't seem to want to talk about it."

"It isn't the most pleasant of things to talk about, no. And I would not talk about it with most people but you are not most people. You are my lover, skat; you have a right to know these things."

“I just know that Marcus asked if you were going home and I didn't want you to feel like you have to stay with me. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. And I wasn't sure if I was the reason that Marcus wasn't coming to stay with you.”

“Nothing could be further from the truth. Marcus likes you; he always asks about you when we talk. No, we decided that he would spend Christmas with his mother and then we were thinking that he might come and spend New Year with us.”

“Really?”

There was a pleased lilt to Joe's voice and Lucas’ lips curled up in response. “Really. You are not the reason that I'm not going back to Denmark. To be truthful, I'm not sure if I will ever go back to Denmark again. Not after what happened.”

“I told you that I worked at the local kindergarten which is the truth. I liked my charges and they liked me. However, one of my students - the daughter of my best friend - had developed a bit of a crush and gave me a little present and a kiss. I told her that it wasn’t appropriate and, in the process, hurt her feelings. In response, she made comments to the director implying that I had … that I had exposed myself.” Lucas swallowed heavily, trying to keep his composure.

“My life fell apart. Other children made accusations and they were believed. I was suspended from my job, my girlfriend doubted my innocence, and the whole community vilified me as a sexual predator. I was arrested but they released me with no charge; not that that mattered to everyone. We had always been a close-knit community but they turned against me, ostracised myself and Marcus and, when that wasn’t deemed enough, they turned to violence. My dog was killed, I was beaten up at the grocery store and things came to a head on Christmas Eve at the church service. The little girl retracted her words, said that she had lied and finally they believed me. Everything returned to normal but, well, it wasn’t the same. A year later, on a hunting trip, someone shot at me. I don’t know if it was accidental or not but it proved something that, deep down, I already knew; the time had come for me to leave.”

Lucas paused, taking a sip of his wine to wet his throat. “Brunn - Marcus’ godfather - was the one who suggested exploring international schools. Staying in Denmark wasn't really an option and, while Marcus may have turned 18, I didn't want to be too far from him. I wasn't sure if I would be deemed suitable given the accusations but I was and I've been here for two years.”

Lucas’ words were greeted with silence but he tried to take heart from the fact that Joe was still sprawled over Lucas and had made no attempt to shrug off his embrace. However, as the silence grew, Lucas started to doubt the wisdom of his actions. He wished he knew what Joe was thinking. He hadn't run away screaming or stiffened as though he could no longer bear Lucas' touch but the silence was ominous and set Lucas' nerves on edge. Finally, Joe spoke but what he said wasn't what Lucas was expecting. Far from it.

"When we first met, I told you that I worked at Charterhouse but that I didn't want to talk about what I did before that. That's because I was in Rwanda."

Lucas froze. He had imagined countless scenarios as to why Joe didn't want to discuss his past from a situation like Lucas' own to the loss of a loved one but he had never imagined this. He certainly hadn’t imagined that Joe had been in a war-zone. He heard his name and looked down to see Joe staring up at him somewhat anxiously. "I'm sorry, skat. I just, it wasn't what I was expecting. Keep talking?"

“I was an English teacher at the École Technique Officielle in Kigali. I was … I don’t know, impetuous and naïve. I wanted to do good, I thought I was. At first it was just myself and Father Christopher there but as things grew unsettled, we ended up with a group of UN Peacekeepers stationed at the school. It, it didn’t take long before we had nearly two and a half thousand Tutsi’s sheltered with us at the school; mostly students and their families but some of them had brought neighbours with them. Hutu’s with machetes would come to the gates but they couldn’t do anything; not with the UN there. Finally, we got the news that the UN were going to be leaving and they would be taking the Europeans with them but only the Europeans.”

Everything suddenly made sense; the night terrors, the reluctance to get close to his colleagues and students. There was no wonder that Joe suffered and tried to keep his distance. He was trying to protect himself after suffering a major trauma. Lucas wrapped his arms tighter around Joe as he felt him shudder at the memories, wishing that there was something that he could do but knowing that there wasn’t. All he could do was listen.

“We had to leave them behind. All of my students, their families.” There was a hitch in Joe’s voice when he spoke again. “And not just them. Father Christopher refused to leave, he insisted that I leave but refused to abandon the people that we had worked with, had taught, had sheltered. I returned to England,got a job at his alma mater and spent five years thinking, _knowing_ that I had left them all to die.”

“What changed? Why did you leave England?”

“One of my former students found me at Charterhouse. Father Christopher had tried to get out with some of the children, tried to smuggle them out of the school and through Kigali in the back of a truck. I don’t know where he thought he could reach, how he thought he could get them to safety but he tried. It was more than I did. They were stopped at a roadblock. Father Christopher was killed but Marie survived. She … she asked me why I left and the only answer that I had for her was that I was afraid to die. How much of a coward does that make me?”

“It doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you human.”

Joe's response was a bitter laugh that, to no surprise at all, turned into sobs. Lucas simply tightened his arms and let Joe cry it out into his shirt, automatically starting the litany of words and phrases that he used when Joe had had a night terror. This release needed to happen and had been a long time coming; in fact, Lucas was willing to bet that this outpouring of emotion had been five years in the making. The catharsis would be beneficial in the end and, until Joe reached that point, Lucas would be there for whatever he needed.

(~*~)

The following morning, Lucas awoke with the feeling that he was being watched and opened bleary eyes to see Joe staring him at him, head propped up on Lucas’ chest. His eyes were red and swollen from all of the crying the previous evening but he seemed lighter somehow, happier, as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Lucas understood the feeling as he felt different as well. As though he was finally at peace with his life. He fumbled for his glasses, slipping them on so that Joe slid into complete focus as he brushed Lucas’ hair from his eyes.

“You're still here.”

Joe's voice sounded almost awestruck and Lucas reached for Joe's retreating hand, pressing a kiss to the palm. “The same could be said for you, skat. I'm not going anywhere.”

Joe's answering smile was blinding. “Neither am I. No more secrets?”

Lucas chuckled. “No more secrets. We deserve to be happy.” Lucas believed that wholeheartedly.

The kiss that Joe leaned up and pressed to Lucas’ lips was simultaneously chaste and passionate; a promise of what was to come. He cupped Lucas’ face and pressed their foreheads together, whispering against Lucas’ lips.

“I love you.”

The joyous laughter bubbled up from Lucas’ chest, startling them both a little. Wrapping his arms and legs around Joe, Lucas rolled them over so that his weight was pressing Joe into the mattress as he pressed kisses all over Joe's face to the absolutely delightful accompanying sound of Joe's giggles. He'd known how Joe felt, just as Joe had known how he felt but to here the words voiced was everything.

“Jeg elsker dig, Joe.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you would prefer to comment on DW, you can do so [here](https://vix-spes.dreamwidth.org/284564.html)
> 
> If you'd like to boost the post on Tumblr, you can find it over [here](http://vix-spes.tumblr.com/post/166000940105/putting-the-pieces-back-together-vixspes)


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